Nigel asks: Why would you?
Growing up in Northern Ireland during the troubles, tourists were as rare as long spells of unbroken sunshine. If anyone had said back in the late 1970s that Belfast would have open top sightseeing buses, then people may have called a doctor for them! It still amazes me when I’m walking along the shore of Belfast Lough close to home and a huge cruise ship glides past, usually carrying more passengers than the majority of our towns have inhabitants! To be honest, I think they must all be mad! Surely there must be some mistake and these people wanted to visited the Dordogne in France rather than the Ardoyne in Belfast. When they told their travel agents that they wanted to visit the Falls, I’m pretty sure they meant Niagara Falls and not the Falls Road in Belfast … you would however probably get very wet at both! It can’t be the locals bringing you back because are they not what kept people away for so many years? It can’t be the weather as it rains so much we’ve all developed webbed feet. It can’t be the food as our restaurants rely on frozen and prepacked foods…I mean have you ever seen sheep or cows here? Above all else it can’t be the scenery with mile after mile of flat muddy fields and stony beaches.
So, to help you out when you’re making holiday plans, here are 20 reasons why you’d be mad to even consider visiting Northern Ireland. In fact, as we say here you’d be a total eejit, so go back to Paris, Rome and Prague and don’t waste your time!
Disclaimer: No animals or small children were harmed in the making of this article but some sarcasm may have been used!
1 It’s flat and boring
2 Northern Ireland winters are dark and depressing
Fields below Killynether Wood, Newtownards in late December
3 You’ll spend half your day sitting in traffic
County Antrim countryside scene close to Broughshane.
4 The countryside is average at best
5 You’ll be stared at by strangers on the beach … ugh!
White Park Bay … home of the country’s largest herd of sunbathing cows
6 If you’re coming for nice walks, you’re out of luck
Murlough Nature Reserve in County Down
7 Those Northern Irish cliff top views are overrated
Mussenden Temple in Downhill Demesne
8 Emerald Isle? It’s more like barren wilderness!
Annesley Garden at Castlewellan Forest Park
9 And you can forget about scenic roads!
10 Even animals are unhappy here
Finn the donkey and Sean the sheep at Sketrick Island
11 Property is seriously neglected in Northern Ireland
Dunluce Castle with the town of Portrush in the background
12 They’re desperate enough to call trees a tourist attraction
The Dark Hedges (the Kings Road on Game of Thrones)
13 Northern Ireland is so depressing that some people have decided to escape to an island and live with thousands of seabirds!
14 Apparently a pile of old stones is popular with locals…can’t see it catching on!
15 You finally get a sunny day and the beach is packed
White Rocks Beach in Portrush
16 If you’re looking for filming locations then keep on looking!
Ballintoy Harbour (Game of Thrones filming location and setting for the Iron Islands)
17 The locals are all rude
Sheep at Downhill Demesne
18 The constant noise of waves can be so irritating!
Sunset at Portstewart
19 Scenic viewpoints are always a big letdown
Ben Crom Dam Silent Valley
20 And at the end of the day, you can forget about any decent sunsets
Sunset at Portballintrae Beach
If these 20 photographs haven’t convinced you to stay away then I’m just going to have to keep dodging those sightseeing buses when I’m crossing the road. Oh and by the way you’re all very welcome…well most of you at least 😉
These photos were all taken by us (and when we say ‘us’ we mean Nigel). If you enjoyed them, we would be grateful for a pin, tweet, stumble, face or any other type of share!